Post-election: Compassion + Action

What now friends? I have some thoughts I’ve been gathering and wanted to share where my head and heart are in these first post-election days. I’m aiming for context, connection and action steps here so read on if you’re interested (it might get long)…

First, there is real joy and gratitude in recognizing the efforts of so many: Black, Brown, Indigenous, LGBTQ, and immigrant leaders, organizers, and activists all over the country who taught so many of us to fight with love and a view toward the long haul; protestors who have taken the streets in every city and town relentlessly over the last 4 years (and our place in the continuum of the generations and movements who came before, whose work we continue); the parents, grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, and teachers who support our children and teach them by example how to show up, to speak out, and to engage in the slower, daily actions from which real change is made; the artists and musicians who give voice to and make beauty from our collective pain, anger, sadness, and joy; all those who phone- and text-banked, wrote postcards and letters to strangers, or appealed to family members; and to those who for their own safety, sense of wholeness, or to honor the truth of their inner beliefs and being, made the painful decision to cut off or distance themselves from those who would do them harm. I’ve been thinking about that last one a lot especially amidst the predictable calls for empathy and compassion for and outreach to those people whose candidate lost- the demands for civility above all and the appeals to soften toward those who supported or continue to support the president, his party, and their policies. And since I teach meditation and am a writer- two vocations which center compassion— I have thoughts about what compassion in this time really is and requires, and how we practice it. 
I first encountered via Chogyam Rinpoche and later his student Pema Chodron the distinction between true and “idiot” compassion. I don’t love the use of “idiot” here and find it helpful to think of it as co-dependent, enabler, or ego-based compassion, but will use the extant term here for simplicity. Compassion means “suffering with” and from a spiritual/mindfulness perspective the practice is about seeing the self in all others, recognizing the shared conditions of our human-ness and in that place of connection opening the heart to whatever feelings are there, seeing, listening and feeling, dissolving the veil of separation. Developing and deepening compassion and mindfulness are how we ease suffering- our own and that of the world of which we are inextricably, interdependently part. Idiot compassion though is an incomplete understanding and application- one which can do more harm than good and is especially important to make distinct in this moment. Rinpoche says: “Idiot compassion is the highly conceptualized idea that you want to do good….Of course, [you should do everything for everybody; there is no selection involved at all. But that doesn’t mean to say that you have to be gentle all the time. Your gentleness should have heart, strength. In order that your compassion doesn’t become idiot compassion, you have to use your intelligence. Otherwise, there could be self-indulgence of thinking that you are creating a compassionate situation when in fact you are feeding the other person’s aggression. If you go to a shop and the shopkeeper cheats you and you go back and let him cheat you again, that doesn’t seem to be a very healthy thing to do for others.” Chodron adds, “Compassion doesn’t only imply trying to be good. When we find ourselves in an aggressive relationship, we need to set clear boundaries. The kindest thing we can do for everyone concerned is to know when to say ‘enough’.” When we prioritize “being nice,” avoiding conflict, or seeking only to make people or ourselves feel “better” we avoid the complicated work of uncovering root causes and the useful information that exists within difficult emotions. Calls for civility and demands to “forgive and forget” may sound appealing to some, and after years of painful separation and discord, we may crave a return to a more passive “tolerance,” but the deeper work of true compassion- and the possibility of practically easing suffering- demands more of us. 

Idiot compassion is centered on soothing discomfort, placating intense emotions with empty platitudes, and moving on from the deeper work of understanding and addressing the cause of our suffering- the mistaken belief in separation and the ways that belief is perpetuated by our politics, our institutions, our economy: those power structures which rely upon our narrow understanding of our own power, agency, and mutual responsibility. When compassion is demanded by those who have used their power and influence to cause harm, to increase inequality, to intensify the divisions between us it distracts us from the places where that same attention is far more urgently needed. 

True compassion requires us to look deeper than our own desire for calm or stability; it asks us to embody and bring into being the internal and external states where our shared experiences and needs are emphasized and actively worked for. Compassion is not only an inner experience but an engaged process, one that extends from our internal intentions to our presence and participation in our relationships, families, communities and yes, our politics. Practicing with true compassion means expanding the scope of our awareness and prioritizing the targets of our focus and action. 

True compassion does not cede the language of peace to those whose policies and worldviews are founded on violence and greed. It does not infantilize or enable those who because of bigotry, ignorance, or mistaken beliefs are swayed by those world views and policies. Instead it seeks to understand and undo the mechanisms and institutions which perpetuate false information and to amplify the voices and work of those who counter it, expanding the world of possibility and removing the barriers to access that keep us isolated from each other and beholden to narratives created by those with power and money which relies on our perceived divisions, which they desperately want to maintain. 

True compassion is radical in that it targets the root of our suffering- our separation from each other. Informed by the work and teachings of thinkers and writer like bell hooks and Joanna Macy among many many others, it asks us to work to attack those roots and build new systems and communities that meet with greater justice and equity the needs we share. True compassion means fighting for healthcare, housing, and education for all. Ending poverty and environmental devastation, expanding voting rights and making sure all voices have access to our democratic processes and are heard clearly within them. It means understanding that when we work together with those who suffer most we build a foundation from which all are elevated and connected.